The Collinsport Chronicles XLVI: Paying the Price
by Maryland Rose
Summary: What will it cost Barnabas to restore Maggie and Joe?
1. Chapter 1

PAYING THE PRICE

Chapter 1

"Let me get this straight," Verhoff said, sarcastically "You are asking me to kill one of our own and save the blood for some experiment of Angelique's?"

"You _do_ kill your own. You do hold executions, don't you? I watched you execute Zimmerman."

"You should have saved the blood, then. We are not going to hold another execution to accommodate you."

"But you will carry out an execution, sooner or later. All I want is that when you do, you save the blood for me. Or at least notify me."

"Why should you know of it? It is none of your business who we execute, and when."

Megan cursed herself for not being more involved in vampire politics. Verhoff was powerful there, and she how had to placate him.

And it looked like he had a grudge.

"All I want is the blood. It is important to us. It will make no difference to you if we take it. You do not feed on it, nor find any use."

"Yes. We do not find a use for it. You know why? Because if we did we would be tempted to execute more than we should. And for more trivial offenses."

"It is important... we _do_ need that blood."

"What do you need it for?"

"To restore a couple of a gorgon's victims."

"Gorgons?"

"Yes. With snakes in their hair, capable to turn people into stone with their gaze. We learned that statues can be restored with he blood of vampire as the stake goes through the heart."

"That ancient legend? You mean to tell me that it is true?"

"Said by someone who is considered a legend by others."

"Megan, you have to do better than this if you want me to give you what you want."

* * *

Barnabas lighted the candles. People wondered why the place had not burned down yet. That's because in this century people had not learned how to handle candles, how to make sure that they did not touch anything flammable. Candleholders were not just decorative. They were there to keep the flames to keep from touching anything that might catch fire...

But he appreciated modern matches.

He really ought to get someone to keep this place clean and in good order. When Urien left, no one took over..

Maybe he should hire someone part time from he village. There were plenty of people who'd be glad to come up a couple of hours and do the minimal caretaking.

The flame flickered in front of him. He frowned. It seemed...

It seemed like a face in the flame.

He tensed up. Another salamander? Was he the target of another phoenix?

But he felt a warm, comforting presence. As if a friendly hand had touched him... touched his heart.

* * *

Tammy was actually cheerful, Amy noted with relief. She had been given hope and she was holding on to it. Still, eventually she would get impatient because they did not come with the answer soon enough.

"I have to thank you, for what you did."

"I did nothing. It was Angelique who did it."

"But you kept her baby safe, and that's why she could go."

"Yes. that is true."

"It won't be long now... You know, remember when you were all taken in the egg? George started coming apart at the seams. I criticized him, and wanted to get over it. He was just wallowing in self-pity I thought. He should go on living... and all those things we say. Until it was my turn. Until I learned how much it hurts. I would like to apologize."

'Well, he's also like to apologize for your not "being able to get over slavery". He had to learn what it meant when Vassily Petofi took him."

* * *

Urien stopped at the bar and had a beer. And another.

He should not. He knew better than to expect his problems to vanish this way. The dreams would not leave. What could he do? Go back to Collinsport? Talk to Julia? But that might mean unleashing Yolanda on them again. He had obeyed Yolanda once. He would not do it again.

Not at any price.

He remembered again how Yolanda had enticed him, making him believe that she was Megan, how she had put him under her control, how he had watched how she had put the stone inside Barnabas' flesh... and all that had happened afterwards.

He would not let that happen to Barnabas again. He owed him that much.

He would find some way of handling Yolanda, some way of making the dreams go away.

There ought to be someone in town who could give him some answers. Some way of purchasing a protective spell, or something like that. All he had to do was ask around. Sooner or later, something would turn up that he could use.

* * *

"He will _not_ cooperate " Megan said angrily "He's just going to watch us stew in our own juice. It is his way of paying us back for Barnabas beating him up when he went over the line here. with the Davenports. Nor to mention the things I said to him by Richard's trial."

"Maybe I could make him change his mind" Angelique said, her eyes glistening malignantly.

"That could be an idea." Megan agreed "But if it does not work, he will retaliate, and it will get worse."

"I could make him regret his decision."

"I am tempted to let you go ahead. But it could mean no en of troubles for you and me. I cannot buck the politics there, no matter how tempting."

"We still need that blood sample if Maggie and Joe are to be restored"

"We could always tell Barnabas the truth, ask him how much he wants to help."

"In the middle of his religious crisis, he will feel that he _has_ to. That he owes both of them. But I do not want to tell it to him. Not until we really run out of options. I do not care to face George's wrath if we do."

"No." Megan agreed. "George is too good a friend."

"I keep thinking. Maybe it is a chemical change in the blood. Maybe we can get Julia to start adding chemicals to blood samples to see how they react. Add lignin or cellulose, for example."

"That's an idea. And I will try to talk to some of the old timers, the ones who were enslaved by sorcerers. I can imagine that some of the old time sorcerers must have wanted to restore some gorgon victims in their time, and they might want to keep their vampire slaves a bit longer, so they might have experimented a bit. God knows that the old timers do not want to talk about their times under the sorcerers, but some might want to help."

* * *

George looked at the walls of this office. He would be leaving it soon. this was his last year in office. Then he would return to being a private citizen. He would get a license as a private investigator, perhaps work for some lawyer...

Maybe he and Barnabas could move away.

No, moving Barnabas could be hard. This was a vampire friendly town - and it had taken work to make it so - establishing himself in another town might prove hard to Barnabas, who would have to start lying and hiding again.'

But not for long. The process would be the same as it had been here. Feed on a number of people who got to know the truth, but had to keep silent about it. The more people he fed on, the more people learned, the more people he did not have to hide form. Then there people who knew were more than the done who didn't. Then the moment would come when someone would announce, between fear and excitement "Barnabas Collins is a vampire" only to be answered "Oh, you noticed?"

And then another vampire friendly town could be created...

Barnabas could not move far from Wyncliffe. He had his job there. But once he got comfortable in his new town, he could qualify as an independent therapist there...

And they would raise the baby.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"So we have to duplicate the chemical composition of what your blood would be like if I were to drive a stake through your heart.

'"Yes. Without having to kill either me or Barnabas."

"Verhoff does not want to?"

"He does not like us. And I cannot make him hold another execution.. Not until someone is caught doing a capital crime, and that may take a while."

Yes, there was no point in convincing Verhoff.

"If I knew it would be like this I would have saved blood when they killed Richard... Or Nunez. Kept it frozen."

"About Richard... we considered calling you, but..."

"But that was Angelique's price for cooperating. I understand. And he was right. It was a romantic fantasy that I was living with him... I hope that Frances did not marry him out of a romantic fantasy. "

"Getting catty?"

"No." Megan shrugged "It is just that Richard, with his history can become dangerously attractive to women starved for romance. Frances had a crush on Barnabas that she never allowed herself to express. She called it gratitude, but it was more than that. And if she transferred it to Richard... Or rather Howard. I _have_ to call him Howard."

"Yes," Julia set up the hypodermic. "You'll have to open your blouse?"

"What?"

"I want a sample from the heart itself."

"I see." Megan sighed. She unbuttoned her blouse and laid down. "Is this payback for what I made you do to Peter?"

"It was not pleasant."

"Stokes had said blood from the heart of the egg's agent. You, or any doctor for any matter, was the only one I could trust to take the blood without harming the child."

"Not physically."

"No, mentally, you mean. It could not be worse than what had been done to him. He would have been worse off in the power of Vassily Petofi... How is he doing it, by the way?"

"Back with Audrey Morton."

"And Iris?"

"I recommended her to a therapist friend of mine. It was better that neither Barnabas nor I treated her. Too many irrelevant subjects would come forth if we did."

"That was smart of you." She flinched as Julia stabbed her, but remained steady until Julia had finished taking her sample. "Call me when you need more samples. Or got good news to tell... Say, couldn't you get samples from Barnabas?"

'Not without telling him the whole story, and given his religious turn these days, he might consider killing himself to cure both of them..."

* * *

Adam was not sure if he should keep silent on what he and Angelique had found out. Angelique had made him promise it, and had even hinted at retaliation.

But did Angelique intent to bring those statues to life? Or was she just keeping silent so as not to endanger Barnabas and Megan?

And he did not want that. He had gone into the maze and braved its dangers so that Joe and Maggie could be normal again. Someone had to know that he had succeeded.

And Barnabas had a right to know about it.

Only, what if Angelique got mad at him? She could make life very difficult for you if you made her mad.

* * *

The face he had glimpsed in the fire would not leave his mind. It was as if he should remember it, but could not.

Someone that should be important to him.

Someone that he should not fear...

Someone with her hand on his heart...

Why did he think that?

He looked at the flames on the candles again. Who could it be?

Maybe a phoenix was hunting him. But why?

"Does the Devil own you now?"

* * *

Urien looked at the charm offered him with skepticism. It came with a long list of claims, which, if true, would give him all the protection he needed and more besides. But if they were not true, he would be out of quite an amount of money,.

Unhappily, the FDA did not concert itself with magic charms - their effectiveness, reliability, and safety of use. Let the buyer beware, that was how it worked for these things.

It did not matter if it was ineffective, even at the price, but should there be any danger to it...

But what else could keep Yolanda away? And cold he afford to wait until a better one came along?

"This one is guaranteed to banish bad dreams." the seller told him "And what causes them."

"Can it banish ghostly manifestations, too?"

"Aha!" the seller said. "It is more than bad dreams, is it? No, the charm is not strong enough for that. You are being persecuted by unseen entities. Entities from the dark?"

"Yes." Urien agreed.

"Such persecution is rarely groundless. Do you know why they persecute you? There might be a way of placating them."

"No. They wish to harm someone I care for. They want me to go to him and carry them with me."

"And that you do not wish."

'No."

"Then this charm." he laid it down again, "powerful as it is, will not be enough. But there is one protection, which will do what you need."

"If it is as powerful as you say, it is worth it."

"It is powerful. You do not have to believe me. Take it home and to you and feel its strength envelop and protect you.. Then, if you are satisfied, you can pay me for it."

"Aren't you afraid that I might just steal it?"

"No. The strength of the charm itself will prevent you from doing that."

"I want to see this charm, then."

The man went into the back shop. He brought back a golden falcon, and felt a twinge as he looked at it. Blood and fire were in its fashioning, and very few earned the right to wear it. He, himself had not earned it yet. But this stranger, who knew nothing of the Mysteries, this man had been granted the wearing of it. It was not fair, he told himself.

It was not up to him to question the designs of the gods. All he could do was carry out his duties and hope that the reward would eventually come.

He went back to the shop, to the impatient Urien.

"Here it is, the Sun Falcon."

Urien took it. And the moment his hand touched it, he knew that this was no junk jewelry, even if it looked like it. Vaguely Egyptian motif. All the occult shops peddled pseudo Egyptian stuff and the lore of the pyramids. And yet this one was different. The cheap appearance was only a disguise, to freely circulate among those who did not understand.

His finger traced the contour, stopping for a moment on the open beak. And a quick, sharp flash ran through his body.

"You sense its power, don't you?' the man asked.

"Yes. I sense it."

"Then this is indeed for you. Take it home, feel its protection. Then come back next week and tell me if you are satisfied, and pay me what it is worth."

"Is there any danger in it?"

"Only if you treat it with disrespect. Wear it always under your clothes, next to your heart, so that your heartbeat warms it. Kiss it every night, begging its strength for your protection. Keep it clean. Wipe it with a clean cloth lightly moistened in wine."

"Do I wear it all the time? Even when I am in the shower?"

"No. When you shower you take it off and keep it in a velvet pouch. Same as when you go swimming. Or when you have sex."

'You sell the velvet pouch, too?"

"It comes with the falcon."

"And how much does it cost? If I decide that I want to keep it, of course."

The man said the price. It was high. But not as high as he feared. He hoped that he could pay it in installments. If the charm worked, it would be more than worth it.

"I will take it."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Barnabas, I need to talk to you." Carolyn said to him.

"I have to go out now." he seemed apologetic. "It is just that I am hungry"

"Here." she opened her collar. "I don't have the patience to wait until you come back."

He drank from her, wincing a bit. He did not feel comfortable doing it with her. Too much history between the two of them.

"It is about Amy" she told him when he was finished.

"Amy" What is it? I hope that it is not a complaint."

"No. It is just that she has come see Eliot more than once. She seems quite taken with him."

"That is good."

"I and I got thinking about her and David."

"They were lovers once. It did not end well."

"But it could work again for them. David is free of his mother. And Amy has also straightened her act. They are not just two kids. They are both adults who have been banged up a bit and have learned to be reasonable."

"Like you and Adam?"

"Yes. Like me and Adam. Though with us it may take some doing. We k now that we both need a lot of straightening up. But at least we knew that we both contributed to the mess we ended up with. We both had an abominable upbringing, and we need to unlearn a lot of lessons. We are still discovering who we are."

"That may take some time."

"Yes, and at the end of the road, then we might find that we are wrong for each other. But then we'd know and we could part with no hard feeling, and find someone who is right for us. In any case, I'd like to get Amy and David together."

"The idea being that if David gets together with Amy he might become a real father to Eliot?'

"Yes. I can understand why he chose to dump the kid on me. But still it is wrong. "

"Chris might no like it if she gets together with David again. He tolerates David on the condition that he keep away from Amy."

"But that was David before he got banged up as he did. First the revelation about his mother, and then getting dumped by Hallie. He is hardly the same man now."

"Yes. He's is quite bitter thee days, from what Urien tells me."

"Uncle Roger was quite bitter too You did not know him at his worst. But I did. David says that he does not want to repeat his father's mistakes, but I think that he is doing precisely that."

"And you are not repeating Liz's I hope."

"I have not brained Adam nor buried him in the basement. Or at least buried a trunk where I thought his body was...But yes, I can see myself in her. She had a bad upbringing, and she passed quite a bit of that to me. Added to the fact that she was a recluse that never left the house, and is it any wonder that I ended up as I did?"

"You know, considering that harm that Jason McGuire did to you and to your mother, I have trouble feeling guilty for having dealt with him..."

"Well, I agree with you. but do not go mentioning it to others. You do not want to put George on the spot for that, do you?

"No... I don't"

"You know, when Willie first came, he tried to rape me. I had to point a gun at him to get him to lave my bedroom."

"He did?"

"Yes. that was before he met you."

"People change... I changed a lot..."

'Yes. I remember."

"That I used you to torment Julia and spy on her"

"Yes."

"And spy on Tony Peterson? What happened to him, by the way?""

"He is now a big time lawyer in Bangor. All his crusading days are over. I wonder if it was idealism or hatred of the ruling family that drove him... We managed to make ourselves hated by too many people."

"Well, we were arrogant, and we thought ourselves superior to them... You now, Megan said that my problem never was that I was a vampire, but that I was a Collins, and needed a few kicks in the butt before I learned to behave."

Carolyn laughed. "She gave me a few kicks in the butt, too. I resented her. I was furious, really. But now... Now I realize that she gave me good advice. Though it is a bit hard for me to follow it. Old habits die hard."

"You don't have to tell me that. Some lessons it took me forever to learn... or what seems forever."

"How's Vicky?"

"She's settling down, setting up her school. Phillip is fixing their house, and plays the sax again. But they are not coming back to Collinsport for a while. At least Phillip is not. I don't blame him. He should have left the moment he got transformed back."

"I miss her."

"Call her on the phone. Go to visit her. And you may invest in her school. It would not be the same as you hiring her, which she would resent."

"I hope she eventually gets over it..."

* * *

Well, vampire blood did nullify _some_ of the petrifying effects, Julia wrote in the notebook. So changing the chemical components might lead to nullifying all of them.

The first substance to be tested would be sawdust. Then maybe isolate whatever component of wood worked best, and raise their concentration.

Try with silver.

Adjust pH.

Add hormones and other biochemical substances... Adrenaline would be a good bet, as the consciousness of being killed would make adrenaline jump through the roof.

Some of those combination would give her the answer.

She was no entranced that she did not see the young woman appear.

"Dr. Hoffman?" the woman said.

She looked up. The young woman looked familiar. "Do I know you?"

The young woman went to her knees, took Julia's hand and kissed it.

"It is Cecily, Dr.. I am proof that your treatment worked."

"Cecily?" she looked at her. Yes it was Cecily, grown into a woman's body at last. Maybe too young a woman, but a woman, nevertheless.

"I and all the others owe you an enormous debt."

"Thanks." she was not sure what to say. Expressions of gratitude always threw her.

"But I come to warn you. Verhoff will not forgive you for what you did. He knows it was you who allowed us to escape him... and unfortunately he has more power than we do..."

"Which means..."

"It means that there won't be any executions, not for a long time. He changed the laws in dealing with those who collaborate with intelligence agencies. The penalty is fifty years imprisonment, which is long enough for their handlers and whoever knew them to die of old age, or retire. It was well received... and there were those who had pushed for the change, since many who were caught there had been forced into that life. But he would not do it until he heard that they wanted that blood in Collinsport Because Collinsport means Barnabas and you, two people that he detests."

"Isn't it enough that Richard..."

Cecily shook her head... "Julia, I know that the weeks following Richard's execution you were not precisely despondent. I do not know how he escaped it, but I know he did. That is a secret that I will keep."

"In any case, we were not counting on it anymore."

"If you can tell me what you need it for, maybe I can be of help."

Julia told her, all the details, and how they had gotten the information

"Old time sorcerers. I will ask around those who remember serving them... A few of them owe me, and I will collect my debts from them."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Urien studied the golden falcon which had been protecting him a couple of days already.

The thing worked. For two nights he had been able to sleep peacefully. There was no hint of Yolanda's presence, or of Robert Loomis. Or the gypsy, either.

He was safe at last. He was free. He did not need to play Russian Roulette with alcohol or worse. He knew how dangerous that was, but better than dealing with Yolanda...

Now he had a better choice. And later he would be able to go back to Barnabas and tell him what had happened. Once he was sure that Yolanda could not follow him, he would do that.

This time he would do it right. This time he would not stand by helplessly while Yolanda plotted to destroy Barnabas... no more.

He would have to pay for the falcon, of course. It would take him many months, and he would have to cut all unnecessary expenses. But it was more than worth it.

He hoped that he could pay it in installments.

He would be able to. He felt lucky, and his luck would hold.

He touched the falcon again, and the falcon seemed to warm under his fingers. As if somehow a heart beat inside it.

A shaft of sunlight fell on the figure. It broke on the golden feathers, shone on the open beak, the small eyes...

And the wings beat for a moment.

Urien froze. Had he seen that? Had it come to life for a moment?

The falcon was frozen into position. It was a lifeless piece of jewelry again.

But for a moment... for a moment it had been more than that.

Urien felt fear. It could be dangerous... magical charms, the more powerful, the more dangerous if used improperly.

But he was using it right., just as the man in the shop had told him. He should not have to worry.

He put it back on, just as he had been instructed to. As the man in the shop had instructed him

Maybe it was time that he had a talk with the man in the shop.

* * *

Barnabas entered the church. He was no longer barred from it, but still he felt awkward and out of place. Somehow he did not truly belong in there.

But the familiar burning pain that he felt each time his eyes met a crucifix was gone. He was no longer bound by it. He could no longer be held prisoner in his coffin by its presence over his heart. For whatever reason, he was free from that.

Willie had insisted that there was no reason why he should not have been free years ago. It had all been in his mind, according to Willie, and now he could see it.

Psychosomatic, the term was.

And maybe it was just a miracle...

And why had he deserved a miracle?

"Does the Devil own you?"

He turned. He had heard the voice, but no one was there..

... Bathia Mapes. He remembered. The one who had tried to lift his curse, and had died in the attempt. A brave woman. A holy woman some would have called it, except that it was one of those concepts that got swept away when the Protestant revolution, like too many revolutions threw away things it should have kept, and kept things that it should have thrown away...

He had forgotten about her, An attempt that failed, and then, a few days later, an eternity chained in the coffin...

It had looked only a small crushed hope no more... But it had helped

"The Devil needs not to own you."

And the Devil did not. Whatever else happened, he strove to live as moral a life as possible, in his condition...

. Maybe she had watched over him over the years, nudging him along.

And that's why he could look at crosses now.

Bathia had done it. she had lifted that burden of him. Why? What did he expect him to do?

He knew that she had not done it so that he could play matchmaker with Carolyn. Not so that he should become a mere spectator in the events that would return Maggie and Joe to their rightful selves...

Maybe he was called to make a sacrifice, a great sacrifice for the sake of them...

And why not? He owed them greatly.

She had been strong, faithful even unto death... was she asking him to be strong and faithful even unto death?

What was he supposed to do?

* * *

More tests. Julia sighed. The hope that Verhoff would come through had evaporated. All they had was testing and more resting.

Wood did not do it... Maybe sliver.

Maybe run an electrical current through the blood.

Maybe perform some electrolysis in it to remove metallic components...

Maybe heat.

Maybe cold...

* * *

The falcon felt good against his heart. Urien knew that he had a guardian now.

And yet sometimes he wondered if the falcon would use its claws and beak to tear his heart...

Of course, he had not paid for it yet. The old man warned that not paying for it was improper use.

So he entered the shop

"You came sooner than I expected." the shopkeeper told him "Are you discontent with it? Is it not powerful enough?"

"No. It is powerful. It is so powerful that it scares me."

"Yes. If improperly used it can be dangerous. But you are using it properly, yes?"

"Yes. I am."

"Then I will tell you more about it. And then, if you are satisfied, you can pay me."

The shopkeeper led him into the shop. As he entered the room Urien saw this poster on the wall. A tall, beautiful woman enveloped in flames.

* * *

"Adam?" Barnabas said with surprise. "I did not expect you..."

"No." Adam said, calmly enough. "You did not expect me. I am not the sort of person who likes to visit you."

"I..."

"It is all right, Barnabas. There is no sense in pretending that we two are friends. II don't hate you now, but that does not mean that I am particularly fond of you. And I am willing to bet that it goes the same way with you.

"Not precisely" Barnabas still regretted all the missed opportunities that he'd had with Adam, but it was too late to change now. Maybe that they did not hate each other should be enough.

"And, anyway, I cannot say that the news I got is good. But still I believe that Angelique is wrong in not letting you know."

"Know what?"

"What we found in the I Ch'ing labyrinth. We met the wizard who created the gorgons. He took me prisoner and held me in a small box. He had the idea that I had been sent by some enemy."

"Angelique told me something about it."

"She did not tell you all of it."

"What didn't she tell me?"

"What the wizard said. It will take blood to undo the spell. Vampire blood, taken when the stake is piercing the heart."

Barnabas stared at Adam. Did that mean... did he have to die so that Joe and Maggie might live? Was that why Bathia had removed his fear of the cross?"

"Angelique said that she could find the blood somewhere else. Or that Julia could duplicate the effects. But she made me swear not to tell you. She is afraid that you'll volunteer. She said that there is no need."

'And why you tell me?"

"Because I want to know if she is doing anything at all, or if I took that trip for nothing!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Why didn't you tell me, Julia?"

"Tell you what?"

'What it takes to bring back Maggie and Joe.."

"Because I did not want you volunteering to get yourself killed. Not on some old time sorcerer say so. How did you find out?"

'Adam told me."

"Well, he does hate us, doesn't he?

"But it is true."

"Barnabas. I have been running tests with Megan's blood. We think that if we adjust the chemistry it might work."

"But he said a stake through the heart."

'Barnabas, I don't have too many guinea pigs for this. What if I kill you and it still does not work? Then I'd be out of a guinea pig."

"I am not your guinea pig. Not yet."

'If you want to volunteer, I'll be glad to use you. It might get a bit painful at times, though."

"I think that I can handle it."

"But what if nothing else works? What if I have to die to bring Maggie and Joe back?"

"You'd want that would you? No, you must buy your absolution some different way. Dying for her is not in the cards for you."

* * *

"You do want me to come down there, don't you?" David asked, a bit impatiently.

"Yes. It has been a while since you came."

"Since I saw my son, you mean."

"David..."

"I wonder why people who cannot straighten up their own affairs feel called to straighten up everybody else's Why don't you work on your own marriage which I understand needs fixing, and leave me to live my own life?"

"David..."

"I know what you are thinking. That I will see Eliot and that I will melt down and bring him home with me. And be a perfect father from now on, and live a Hallmark moment, an all that."

"He is your only son."

"Are you so sure that he _is_ my son?"

"Anybody can see how much he resembles you."

"Hallie had been running around for a while. The guy she ran away with was not the first."

"David, please. It is not Eliot's fault. Don't punish him."

"It is because that I do not want to punish him that I gave him to you. I entrusted you with him, and I know that you will do a much better job of raising him than I would."

"David, don't sell yourself short."

"I am very bitter these days, in case you haven't noticed. Neither my career nor my marriage has come the way I wanted. I am stuck in this teaching assistant position, which is basically low man in the totem pole. I got married to a woman who could not understand what commitment meant, and I am now the father of a child that I am trying not to inflict my lousy upbringing on. Giving him to you was the one decent thing I did. Do not make it go to waste."

* * *

It was tougher than she expected.

When Vicky had asked her to run the school in her absence, Buffy had gladly accepted. She could finally show Frank that she was cut for being more than keeping house.

Except that it was getting harder every day.

How did Vicky do it? Not just the classes. All the paperwork, all the public relations. All those things that came easily to her.

She had to work harder...

* * *

"What are you going to do with the sample?" Barnabas asked Julia, as he pulled down his sleeve again.

"Add all sorts of chemicals to it. I will be trying different metal oxides now. First alone, and then in combination."

"And test them to see how well they depretrify?"

"Yes. Some substances show more reactivity than others. Not enough to break through the threshold. but we know now what to look for."

"I see... And again, why couldn't you have explained it to be when you started? Why did you kept me in the dark?"

""You did not need to know."

"I could have been your guinea pig when this started. Yet you acted as if knowing the truth would unhinge me... You have this curious attitude towards me. That I don't need to know anything. That I need to be protected from certain kinds of knowledge."

"It was not my doing,. I was Angelique's"

"And you went along."

"So did Megan."

"Megan has a very low opinion of my ability to handle crisis. But you should know better."

Julia blushes. It was an old complaint of his, and one that needed to be addressed.

"Two reasons. At first when I started treating you, you did not understand the terms I was using. I might well have been talking Chinese when I explained anything to you. In the end, you just trusted me. Oh, yes you wanted explanations, but then could not make heads nor tail of them. I could feed you gobbledygook and you were equally happy."

"And a lot of it was gobbledygook. Pseudo scientific blather to keep me happy."

"You could not tell the difference, anyway. Not until you started catching up on your reading."

"And what was the other reason?"

"I was afraid that you would volunteer for martyrdom... Barnabas, I know how you can be so ruled by your emotions than you forget all common sense. I have seen it too often for me to discount it. And now that you are in the middle of a religious crisis, you might end up seeking martyrdom, and I don't want that."

"Well,... if I did, it would have a certain symmetry, wouldn't it?

"Symmetry?"

"Maggie is now in my basement. Which is how this mess started. Maggie would not have gone free Adam if she had not suspected that I had a prisoner there...If she had no reason to think that I was hiding anything in the basement...So, in a sense, this started with me."

'Well, it is not going to end with you. And you are not to kill yourself for Maggie's sake. That's an order."

* * *

David sighed. Why did all his conversations with Carolyn end up the same way? Why did she kept reminding him that he had a son and making him feel like a heel for doing the sensible thing?"

They all did it, one way or the other. Carolyn. Barnabas, Julia... Even his own father... As if Roger had any right to complain at all."

Did they really think that putting a child with him, now, in the middle of his black moods, was the right thing to do? So that he could punish the child for the desertion of his mother?

Just as Roger had done with him.

He might repeat Roger's mistakes. But not this one. He would protect Eliot from that.

* * *

Carolyn sighed. Why was David so stubborn? Why couldn't he see?

And why had he prodded her, asking how her own marriage was going? Why did he have to hit that sore spot with her?

He and Adam were trying... But at times, he was a stranger to her. And, he knew, she was a stranger to him.

They could never recapture those early days of hope and trust, so quickly gone, so easily shattered...

David was intent on not repeating Roger's mistakes. Was she in danger of repeating her mother's?"

No, with Adam it could be painful. But they were trying to tell each other the truth, something that his father never had done to her mother...

And her mother had been too much the Collins heiress to seek to be wife to her father...

Adam had a lot of growing up to do. So did she, in a different way.

And Edmund... she had to face it. She provided a home for him, took care of his basic needs. But she was never a mother to him. he was Roger's substitute son, the one to whom Edmund went when he wanted love and support. No, she was not unkind to him... but..."

But it might well be that she was as screwed up as her mother had been.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The chain felt like a leaden weight around Urien's neck. At times the falcon seemed to weight a ton.

That only meant that it was working, as the man told him. It was protecting him, what more did he want?

Yet if felt so oppressive... the man had told him how to do it right...

But had he been told the truth? Had the man told him all that there was to be known about the golden falcon?

What was it that he had been told? He did not remember any of it. He had been told something... shown something... but what was that?

He tried to see again the back room of the shop. It was narrow and dark, and over the door...

There was something over the door. Or there should be... but all that his mind could conjure was a blank.

And the falcon weighed more and more on his neck.

* * *

Amy was glad that Barnabas wanted to talk to her. She liked talking to him, maybe because he listened so well. Of course, he would insist on giving her a lecture on this or that, but that was part of the package. She had always found easy to confide in Barnabas, much more than in Chris. Barnabas was like an extra older brother, without the hysterics, so much better in that respect than Chris. It was a comfortable relationship, and he liked to keep it that way.

"David might come back to visit us soon." he said - if Carolyn could talk him into it.

"I hope so. I haven't seen him in ages. " she shook her head "If Chris knew that he was coming near me again, he'd be grabbing a meat cleaver. But I think that after all those years, we two have learned out lessons."

"Yes. You have. But I wonder if he has truly learned all the lessons he needs to know... I mean the way he abandoned his baby..."

"Yes. That was bad. But still... I can see his point. I don't wholly agree with it. But if he is truly bitter, it is better that he spare Eliot that bitterness."

"You like Eliot, don't you?"

"He is an adorable child."

Barnabas hesitated. It was at this point that polite enquiry vanished. He had to know how she really felt about David, and if she would be willing to give it another try. If she could see herself as Eliot's mother.

It was important to him. Not as important as it seemed to be to Carolyn (was she using this as an excuse not to face some harsh truths about herself and her relationship to Adam?) Not as important as his worry about Maggie and Joe... But with Maggie and Joe he was merely a spectator... or a guinea pig. This, this he could handle by himself.

He decided to try candor.

"Would you want to be Eliot's mother?"

"Barnabas!"

"I am serious. Don't tell me that you have not thought of it. You know that Hallie left David, and how. He is in need of consolation. And you were close to him once. You still feel something for him, And what harm is in it?"

"No, there is no harm.."

"That is right."

"No. There is no harm. And yet... Maybe it scares me, to know that I could be responsible for Eliot's welfare. David... well, he's an adult and can shift for himself, sort of. But Eliot, If I am not good enough for him, what can he do? Yes, Eliot is adorable now, most of the time, but what happens when he is not? When he is cranky, or will not stop crying, or anything that makes a child less than delightful to be around? Am I truly ready for it?"

"You can do it."

"Maybe. And maybe I can't"

"It is not impossible. Hard, maybe, but not impossible."

"It is more than that.."

"What can that be"?"

"When I came back from the egg, I asked Megan for a job. She turned me down."

'Well, the agency is not hers anymore."

"No, if she wanted to hire me, she'd have found a way. It was not the rejection that got me. It was what she said."

"What did she say?"

"That she had the feeling that I was meant for something else. That my destiny lay elsewhere."

"Maybe that is your destiny. To care for Eliot and David."

"I wish I knew... Barnabas, we do not choose our destiny. not for those like us. It chooses us, and it does not care a bit what we have chosen for ourselves.. I think that's what in store for me. I have the fear that in the middle of making the decision of what to do with my life, I am going to be snatched away, like that."

"Why should that happen?"

"Why did it happen to you? I still have my inheritance of Quentin's curse, and the curse that came down from Magda."

"You have none of it."

"I fear that it spilled on me. That I can't fully escape it."

"Are you sure that you are not just rationalizing?"

"Sometimes I believe that. But it is just that I want to believe that I worry over nothing... Yes, marrying David and becoming a mother to Eliot scares me a bit. But you know why it does? Because each time I try to lay the cards for it, I meet the Tower of Destruction in the spread, or the Wheel of Fortune, turning, and not in a good direction."

Barnabas shook his head. "You are making this up."

"I am not. I respect my cards too much to do so."

Barnabas could not answer this. Amy was right. She did not play games with her cards. If the cards warned her against marrying David, then she should heed them."

"Maybe you should wait till that happens When you are free of it, you can turn to David and make your plans."

"You think that it might be possible?"

"Yes."

"Well, maybe I'll believe it." she smiled, a bit resignedly She suspected that he was wrong, but it did not harm to pretend for a little while that he was right.

"You love David, don't you?"

"Yes. I do."

"Then there is no problem, is there?"

Amy wondered if she could make him understand. And if there was any point in it. Maybe she could dream of it. Maybe she could think of herself married to David, caring for Eliot...

She left after a while and went back to town. Thinking of David, thinking of Eliot. Thinking that it MIGHT be possible, after all...

Thinking that maybe the Tower would not show up in her spread...

Barnabas saw her leave and went back to sit by the fire. He was glad that she was gone, for he was getting hungry and she looked tempting..

But he had promised Julia to fast for a couple of days, to see what changes it made to his blood.

It was not too much to ask. A small sacrifice, that would make all the difference to Maggie and Joe.

* * *

Urien laid on the ground, among the other sunbathing students. He wore only a pair of shorts, sandals, and the golden falcon. The men around him were similarly undressed - the women wore halter tops with the shorts... They all wore pendants of some sort, so the one he wore aroused no curiosity.

The falcon lay over his heart, receiving the rays of this Sun, as his skin did. It soaked it, and renewed its strength that way.

That was what he had been taught. That was what was needed if the falcon was strong enough.

Strong enough for what? He _had_ wanted to ask that. Why hadn't he? Why couldn't he remember?

The falcon moved.

It was a small movement, but Urien felt it. He knew that it was beating its wings, that its claws stretched over his skin, holding it with sharp nails. Its beak opened, aimed straight for his heart.

He could not move. Fear rose, like nausea, in him. He could not even try to scream.

And then he saw her. A woman surrounded by flames. Just as in the poster at the shop.

"You are mine, Urien. And you must obey me."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Barnabas wondered what Julia had found in her tests. He suspected that not much, or she would have called him, and told him of it.

So he had to stay one more day, and endure hunger...

He had asked Willie to take the cats away. No sense in their running across him when he was hungry. He did not trust that they would have the sense to keep away, or he the sense not to hunt them...

He knew that when he got too hungry his judgment fled.

So he was again waiting for Julia's results... Just as in the past. Just as in 1967...

Only this time he was not insane.

His mind went back to Bathia Mapes, who had died in this house, consumed by a fire that left no mark of its presence behind...

Bathia Mapes has been a sorceress., same as Angelique, but possessed of judgment and wisdom, able to discipline herself, able to tell the difference between which was needful, and that which she merely wished to happen. She was wedded to duty, not self gratification. She had braved certain death, not because of the reward that Joshua had pathetically tried to offer, but to stop that which she knew was evil, to help him in his hour of need.

She had fought and lost. But had she lost, really? "The Devil needs not own you." The words had stayed in him. And it had become true. Not just for him, but for Angelique also. Even at the worst, Bathia's hand had rested on his heart, and had kept him from giving in to despair.

Bathia had challenged Angelique and the powers she served. She was old and frail, and had lost the battle.

And won the war.

And now Bathia had made it possible for him to hold a cross in his hand and not flinch. To go to church, and to try to find there an answer why it was so.

For what purpose had she done so? To tell him that he was hers, now, to enjoin him to follow her example?

He remembered Trask's comments on the Catholic Church, which would have called Bathia a saint, and then he could be expected to pray to her... He did not. He was too much of a Protestant to go along with the cult of saints. No Popery in his house...

Yet it would make more sense that way. It was the power of Darkness which had a concrete, well-defined existence, with easily recognizable servants, while the power of Light was nebulous and abstract, too far away, too pure for the affairs of men.

And here he was, making the old mistake, calling the Evil, Darkness, and the Good, Light. As he if he had never met Laura, nor seen her doings. As if Bathia had not come during the night, strong in the Darkness, as Laura could never be.

"Secret Healing". That was what Amy called the Moon card, because, she said, the Moon is seen giving water to thirsty beasts who had endured the drying heat of the Sun. "Secret healing." That was what Bathia had meant to him.

He wondered again about the spreads that Natalie had hade for him. He had paid not attention to them, dismissing it as a meaningless parlor game, but he wished that he could remember them. Was there a Moon card in the spread? Maybe there was, and in her ignorance, Natalie had called it an evil influence. The same ignorance that led her to help accuse Vicky, while remaining blind to Angelique's doings till it was too late.

He wished that he could see those spreads again. That he could ask Amy what they meant. Then maybe he could understand what it was that Bathia demanded of him.

* * *

Urien recognized the woman. Her face had been haunting him ever since it had shown itself in that flash under the sun. He knew that he had met her before, and he knew that he must now obey her without question.

The woman enveloped in flames, the one whose image was in the door that led to the back shop, that woman was Hallie Collins.

David's estranged wife. Someone whom he had met two years ago, when Yolanda...

...she had been there when Loomis had burned. Was she the one that Loomis blamed for his death?

He should have listened to Loomis. Maybe even listened to Yolanda, for all the she had once meant them evil. Because they had been warning him against Hallie Collins.

His hands went to the falcon. He should not have gotten it. He should get rid of it.

His hands were paralyzed in pain.

He could not reach the falcon, could not oppose his will against those who served the Lady of the Fire.

In spite of himself, he let his hands fall by his sides, helplessly.

There was a knock at the door, and he went to answer it, knowing who it was before he opened the door.

"Urien Collins, born Urien Yost." the man said to him. "you know why I am here."

"What... what have you done to me?"

"You serve us now."

"No. .."

"It is no use, Urien Collins. The Lady of the Fire wills it, and you will serve her."

"You... you lied to me. This... this falcon is an evil thing."

"It does not concern you how it happened. You gave yourself to her service, and are honored for it."

"No!" Urien grabbed the chain around his neck and pulled at it. The burning pain gore him, but he held on to the chain."

"Do not fight it. It is useless. Accept your fate. Learn to serve her with gladness in your heart, and great shall be your reward."

Urien kept pulling at the chain, biting his lips and making them bleed. He was down to his knees, unwilling to give up. He would regain his freedom if only he was a bit stronger, if he endured the pain a bit longer.

And then he could not. His hands fell, open, to his sides, and the falcon settled itself over his breast.

"Please, don't..." he begged the man.

"It has to be."

Urien sobbed.

"You will learn to love Her service. As I do. And you'll understand the honor that is conferred upon you by that golden falcon. Few among Her servants earn the right to wear it."

Urien whimpered, very weakly. He could not stop anything. What disaster would come down to David or Barnabas, he would have helped bring it along.

"You are perfect for what she wants. She could not go to your home without drawing attention. But you, no one will question you. But first you must be tested."

* * *

"Mrs. Torrance, have you got a moment?"

Buffy stopped to talked to Reverent Trask. "What is it Reverend?"

"I was wondering if you could be in charge of the food pantry. As Mrs. Todd was."

Buffy sighed "I do not have the time. the work at the school is too exhausting."

"Mrs. Todd managed..."

"I am not Mrs. Todd! I do not know how she managed to do all the things she did. I have enough keeping the school afloat. I never knew there was so much paperwork in this world."

'Maybe this job is not for you."

"Yes, maybe I should settle \for being a wife and mother... I am a woman and my place is in the home, is that it? And then take a nice volunteer position, which is not serious because no one pays me to do it..."

"I did not mean."

"I got enough of this from Frank. I do not need it from you."

She left and Trask sighed. He needed a new director for the pantry. When Vicky had left, the ones in charge did not have her sense of mission. They had never suffered hunger and for them there was a demarcation line between those who needed help, and those who earned brownie points by helping...They were nice people, they meant wall. But... but they were not Vicky Todd...

And neither was Buffy Torrance.

* * *

Well she had gotten Barnabas's sample, and he had gone to satisfy his hunger. And later would return to Wyncliffe to do his job.

Leaving her to do the tests, hoping to see some inkling of what might really be needed...

What if stress was the key? Being hungry was a stress. If the results were good, she might subject Barnabas to more stress, and see how it worked.

How much more stress?

The man materialized in front of her, but she was so rapt on her tests that she did not see him. Not until he spoke.

"Hello, Dr. Hoffman. I am the one you want to talk to."


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"You have been expecting me, Doctor."

"Did Cecily sent you?"

"Indirectly..." he sighed "she believes that I am dead. It is a comfort for her to think so."

Julia stared at him "You were the one who... who converted her."

"Yes." he shrugged. "I am not proud of it. I make no excuses for it. I try to keep away from children, and well, sometimes it is not possible. And when you injure someone that badly, it is best to remove yourself from their sight, and hope that time heals them."

"You..."

"What do you know about vampires, Doctor? No, not just the physiological changes, not what you know from dealing with such modern ones such as Barnabas and Megan... No... For you vampire means blood drinker, and little else."

'And for you?"

"We are former slaves. Escaped slaves. Slaves who overthrew their masters and broke their power... If people are free now, in the measure that they are, they owe their freedom to us... not that it excuses when we lose control but..."

"But?"

"Do you know what being slave to a sorcerer means? To someone who can devise the greatest torments, sure in the knowledge that no matter how badly, you will not die, because they will heal you? And that the healing would be more painful still? Do you know how if feels to be completely helpless before someone else's caprice.?"

"We got a glimpse of it." For Adam had told them of what the wizard did to his disciple.

"Imagine it being done year after year, Imagine trying to find more and more ways to please them, so that they would not punish you this time... Imagine realizing that what they enjoyed was hearing you scream in pain...Imagine being powerless against someone who truly enjoys suffering and derives power from it."

"And you endured that."

"It is not an excuse. It is a fact. I carry a lot of scars, doctor. I enjoy my freedom now, but the damage that was done to me is still there. Every now and then it... it flares up... every now and then I become a danger to children... I have had some success lately in containing it, getting myself locked up when I see the danger signs, getting someone to stay with me and talk to me out of it."

"Like AA."

"Yes. Like AA. Someone to talk about the bad old times. Someone to help us curse our former masters. And rage that they can still hurt us, And even then... Even now, I can still send another patient to Verhoff. They hush it up, of course, because I am one of the elders, one of the heroes of the rebellion...Not proud of it, doctor... Something I have to live with. I would like to talk to Cecily, explain to her... but what could I tell her that would not infuriate her further? Sometimes the damage is too great, the grievance too present for apologies ton do any good... I am glad that you allowed her to grow up... Maybe with time, she will have had so much living done, that this will only be a part of it, and not the whole... Maybe one day she will forswear revenge, not because she thinks kindly of me, but because she has better things to do with her time..."

Julia nodded. "So you can still attack children"

"I try not to, doctor. That is the best anyone can do. As you try not to run over pedestrians with your car. But there is always a chance that you will. It is a risk that you assume each day when you get at the wheel."

Julia sighed.

"Which means you do not tell Cecily of my visit. Come up with some explanation. An anonymous message, if you will."

"You have the information."

"Yes. It does take vampire blood to restore a gorgon victim. Blood from the heart. I know, It was blood from my heart when my master restored a gorgon victim he was interested in."

"And you did not die."

'No, though I wished to. He had already killed Nilos. But his blood did not change the victim... No, it did not take effect...You know why?"

"Why?"

"Because after the torments he was subject to, he saw death as a blessed release. He did not fear it. He welcomed it. And so his blood did not work."

'And you?."

"Me? He just tortured me, and kept drawing blood from me. And then when the pain was so great that I begged for death, when I could no longer holler because my throat held no more screams, then my blood worked. He stopped tormenting me, and left me, all bound up, to heal by myself.. and I did...and that was not the first time he used me so... And then he rewarded me... You know how he rewarded me? With the body of a child that he sacrificed in his rites, so that the blood would not be wasted...

He sighed, and Julia sighed. No wonder he had turned up the equivalent of a child molester...

"I do not know how much this will help you doctor. You do not have to ask vampires to volunteer to get killed. But you have to ask them to volunteer to be tortured beyond endurance... I know that I do not want to volunteer for it."

* * *

The library looked different at this hour. No people to be seen, as they were during daylight hours, holding books, looking at books, trying to find books...

No lights, no sounds. Just the echoes of his own footsteps, and a sound which he could not identify... maybe the air conditioning...

It did not matter what it was. It did not matter that he, Urien, wanted. The Lady of the Fire had asked that he prove his worthiness by this simple task, and he had to try to accomplish it.

Getting in had been easier than he had believed it possible. The locks had opened by themselves with just a few words. Yet it made sense. Locks were made of metal, and metal always melt in face of its master, the fire. Not even sophisticated electronic protection could withstand that simple logic.

He was now in the rare book collection, where Hallie had sent him to seek a certain book.

His soul cringed at the thought. To mutilate a book...it was almost as bad as killing someone, at least that was how Barnabas saw it. And now that he knew how to read and write, now that he knew what treasures books could hold, he shared that belief.

Still he must do as he must. the Golden Falcon pulled at him, as if the chain were a leash.

The book, he found after a short search. His hands burned with shame as he held it. The only copy the University had, maybe the only copy in the US...

A heavy book, with a red leather cover, with gold edging it.

He opened it, wanting to know what was a in this book to merit such an assault.

It dealt with Egypt and its religions. It talked about Ra and about the Phoenix. Then there was a short section, discussing how the worship of Ra had continued well into the nineteenth century, even though the country was Muslim then. The author claimed to have talked with one of those followers, and then included the drawing of one of their sacred objects, the Golden Falcon.

Urien felt that he was about to vomit as he tore out the pages, crumpled them, and then stuffed them into his pocket.

There. It was done. The long dead author was silenced, and no one would know what the man in the shop and Hallie Collins worshipped.

He put the book back. He had gloves, so he need not worry about fingerprints. He left no footsteps behind. Maybe some dead skin cells or hair, but those could give him away... And then he did use the library, and even visited this room. As long as there were no fingerprints of the book...

And this was a rarely sought book. By the time the damage was noticed, a lot of other people might have gone through, anyway. And he might have even graduated and gone away...

He left the library as he had entered it, ready to show the torn pages to the man in the shop, and to hear his approval.

He walked to the apartment, hoping that David would be asleep and ask him no questions

The woman waited for him on the stairs. It was Hallie Collins, He knew it even before he saw her face. She had come see for herself how well he had done.

"Please" he said. "I have never harmed you... why do you do this to me?"

"Have you the pages, Urien?" Hallie asked.

"Yes."

"Give them to me."

Urien did. Hallie took them, and the moment her fingers touched them, they caught fire.

"There. You did well. Do not worry, you will be rewarded."

"What...what do you plan to do?"

"No questions. Go inside and go to sleep. We shall let you know when your are needed."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

She could try to lie to herself. But it would not work.

It was either death or torture, excruciating torture.

She had had inklings. The first samples taken from Megan, straight from the heart, were more effective than later ones when the stabbing did not cause her the same amount of distress.

Other tests that involved some pain beforehand showed the same results. Mix the substance with the blood, no difference. Inject the substance before, and they became more effective...

Fasting had done the same thing to Barnabas.

Discomfort and fear did have an effect.

The question is how much discomfort and fear?

The man had said torture. That was what he had been put through. While some of it might have been due to his master's sadism, still it was more pain that she was willing to inflict on either Barnabas and Megan...

She knew that Megan would not agree. She was not that self-sacrificing.

But Barnabas...

He had made her promise not to hide things from him. And he might not agree...

In which case Maggie and Joe remained stone...

Or he might agree...

And if he agreed, that meant that she had to do it...

As she had done it with Tom Jennings...

Then, it had been Roxanne's power over her making her do it.

Or was Roxanne's power an excuse she gave herself?

She had not been the most ethical doctor in the world... Even before she met Barnabas she bent the rules for the sake of "science" Not as bad as Eric Lang, but still...

She had suppressed Maggie's memory before she met Barnabas No excuse that she had been in love with him...

No, but that was Richard's memory that drove her. The idea that this unknown vampire would be another Richard...

But what excuse did she have for using her other patients as guinea pigs for drug trials? Several pharmaceutical companies had made deals with her to conduct those clinical trials. And she had done it. Not for the money, but for the scientific curiosity to see how effective the drugs were...

It had taken Dave's death to shock her into realizing how far she had gone, how she had passed the point of no return...

And now...

Did she revolt against the idea because it was torture, or because it involved Barnabas?

Yet, she had promised to bring back Maggie and Joe. Whatever it took. So had Barnabas.

Barnabas was in the middle of a religious crisis. He might go along with that if presented in the context of his new freedom to worship, something which had been forbidden him. Present it as a form of Thanksgiving.

As an atonement for what he had inflicted on Maggie and on those around her...

But could she do it?

She remembered what Kenneth told her of the early days of surgery when there were no painkillers. The patient had to be held down, sometimes strapped down, and the best the surgeon could do was be quick about it. The patients hollered a lot, but it saved their lives... Julia who had had some minor surgery done, and who had known what it was like afterwards when the pain killers wore off ,could not imagine what it had been like then. Only that she was glad for painkillers...

But she could not give Barnabas any painkillers. He _had_ to be in pain. And fearful, too.

But she could give him the painkiller afterwards...

After she had heard him scream and whimper...

She had betrayed Maggie once. Yes, it had worked out for the best.

But she had betrayed her. She had manipulated a patient entrusted to her care...

So this was her punishment for her ethical lasses?

She could not do it.

No, not Barnabas...

But it was for his sake that she had done what she had done...

A comfortable lie. She had betrayed Maggie already when she met him. He had many things to reproach himself for, but not this. It was not for his sake that he had done it. It was for her own psychological needs...

It would be nice if she could use this to punish him for some of the things he had done tot her... She had a list of grievances... She could make him pay...

She could rationalize what she was doing to him as well deserved punishment...

And her own punishment for her own ethical lapses...

How much pain did she have to inflict? Should she start slow, making sure that she did not inflict more pain than it was needed?

Or go hard from the start? It would be more brutal, but it would take less time... And in this, the les the time it took the better.

So what could be quick and brutal?

A blowtorch?

But he had to tell him. It had to be his decision, not hers.

* * *

Carolyn and Roger were fussing over Eliot. Roger sighed at his son's irresponsibility, while Carolyn held the bottle of prepared formula. She was finally getting the knack of it. And it was turning out more fun than she expected.

Edmund saw it from the distance and sighed.

"They forgot you, kid?" Adam said to him.

Edmund looked at him warily. He remembered some of the things that Uncle Roger had told him about Adam...

"Hey, it is normal. Once a baby enters the room, everyone melts. And you and I are left out. It is normal."

Edmund sighed, still looking hostilely at Adam.

You know, the kid was not so bad, Adam thought. His upbringing is a bit... weird. But then so was his own...

"You want to see my studio?" he offered. "maybe you can learn to paint there."

* * *

"Is there no other way?" Barnabas asked, trying to remain calm.

"No. I can look for it. But it comes down to it. The more the stress and fear, the more effective. I was getting results that pointed that way, and now... now this man gave us confirmation."

"I imagine that if you keep looking you will find something." George said.

"Yes. But for how long? And what if all I get is more confirmation?"

"Does it have to be extreme agony?" Barnabas tried to keep calm.

"Well, we could try stepping up from mild discomfort and getting nastier and nastier. But I think it would be better to do it as brutal and quickly as possible. the sooner it is done, the sooner it will be over."

"I... I do not know."

"I will not have to kill you. You will be able to recover."

"I take that you did not tell Megan of this." George asked.

"She is not the self-sacrificing type"

"And I am."

"You are in the middle of religious crisis. You might decide that you should. And then you owe to Maggie. As I do."

"There is no chance of Verhoff..."

"Verhoff does not want to help us. He hates me because of the help I gave Cecily and the others, so he will not cooperate."

"So it comes down to me." Barnabas said, trembling.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

He could not do it, ever. He could not go through with it. To allow Julia to carve him up, as painfully as possible, without any respite...

Not even for Maggie and Joe...

Was it true that it was needed? Or was it a delayed revenge? He had done terrible things to her in 1967... and while she said that she had forgiven him, had she really?

He would not allow her to do that to him...

Not even for Maggie's sake? for Joe's? For Tammy?"

He owed Maggie... Still he owed her? After all the way she had exploited him, did he still owe her? And Joe? And Tammy?'

Maybe Julia had lied. Maybe she relished the idea of carving him up...

And yet...

He was just afraid, that was it.

What if it was up to him that Maggie and Joe lived or died?

"I might have loved you, I might have spared you, but now you must die."

No!

Maggie had come looking for trouble. She had found it. Why should it be now his responsibility?

But Joe had done nothing to deserve this.

Nor Tammy.

What was he going to do?

* * *

George crouched in the cellar of the old house. He did not like waiting here, the gun in his hand, but he was afraid of what Barnabas might do.

Someone had to stop him.

It might not happen. He might have misjudged him... But someone had to protect Maggie and Joe...

Barnabas went down the stairs, slowly, his head bent, his face troubled.

George's heart shrank.

"Stop!" he shouted.

Barnabas looked at him with surprise.

"George..."

"You are not smashing the statues."

"Smash the statues?" There was surprise in Barnabas' voice.

"If you don't want to, we'll find another way. We'll try Verhoff again. Strike some deal. Or go around him. Just don't destroy the statues. Give them a chance."

"I never thought of it." Barnabas lowered his head. For a fleeting moment he had though of it. Because he had been tempted to say to Julia to he'd do it. And then the only way not to give to the temptation... but the moment had passed. "I could not do that to Tammy. Not the way she looks at me, full of hope. I cannot take that hope from her."

"Barnabas..." George lowered his gun. "I am sorry."

"Don't be. The way I act these days. And my past behavior could make you doubt,... and the temptation is always there." Barnabas shivered "George, please hold me."

George did so.

"I am so tempted to say yes to Julia. And so scared at the same time. It is torture, George... And I do not know how long I can bear it... But Tammy is the closest thing I have to a daughter. And Maggie... I owe her, I put her through Hell, and then pretended that nothing had happened. She had forgotten, and I was happy to keep it that way..."

"She got her pound of flesh from you."

"Not in a way that gave her satisfaction. Not in a way that healed her."

"It is the best."

"I am a healer now. In Wyncliffe I can heal people, I can see them straighten up their lives. But I cannot heal Maggie. I have to see the ugly thing that I did twist her, and I want to make it right, but I cannot... Maybe this way...

* * *

The words that the man had said remained with Julia. Sometimes the best thing that you can do with someone you damaged greatly is not inflict yourself on them anymore, and let them go on... Maybe when she finds more important things to do, she will be able to forgive me...

Or at least tolerate them...

Maybe that was all that she and Barnabas could hope with Maggie... Keep their distance. Let her lead her own life, carrying her scars, and stop pretending that they could make things right for her. They could not, anymore than they could return Barnabas' family to him. Sometimes all you could do is keep going, and know that there were things that were not in your power to fix.

The friendship between Maggie and Barnabas was poisoned. he wanted to make it right for her, to erase her scars. And she wanted some way to get back what she lost... And it could not be done.

Barnabas had to get off her life, stop trying to offer what he could not deliver. And she had to accept that she would carry scars, and make the best of the life she had...

That friendship had been impossible from the start. A potential minefield ready to go on any seconded She shivered when she recalled him courting Maggie in 1969-70 thank God, it had gotten nowhere...

He had hurt Maggie beyond what was possible. And she had betrayed Maggie, betrayed her oath as a physician...

Only, a stern voice told her, Maggie was not the first patient she had abused... only the last...

It could not be fixed now. There was no magic wand that would remove the damage she had done. People had to live with the results of her own bad choices...

And she had to live with the knowledge what an ethical failure she had been, and not known it...

So why torture Barnabas? to make it right for Maggie?

No, just to give her a chance to go on living, to seek her own path, and to reach the point where she had better things to do than to get even with Barnabas..

* * *

Sam Evans' face hung in the air facing him. Not saying a word. Looking at him with blind eyes.

Eyes that he had destroyed by putting him in Angelique's way...

And then his eyes focused, and it was the expression he had when he had come deliver his portrait, unknowingly to the house where his daughter was held prisoner.

Sam Evans's eyes as he looked for hope and found none...

And Maggie watched from above, gagged, how he tortured her father.

"You can return my daughter." Sam said hollowly " Why don't you do it? Is your blood so damn precious?"

"It is not the blood... it is. how it will be taken, he tried to explain."

Sam gave him a withering look and vanished.

Barnabas knew that he could not stay inside. He had to find refuge, some way to think straight, some calm.

So he found himself in front of the church.

He entered it. All alone in the dark. He could not banish his fear and his shame, but he could pray. He could use the gift he had been given.

He went down to his knees, thinking again of Bathia... She had not been afraid, even though she would burn to death...

She was not afraid.

But he was...

Sam Evans' reproach hung on him. He had done a cruel thing once, kidnapping Maggie and tormenting her and her family, and one thoughtless thing, make Sam the target of Angelique's wrath...

And now he was asked to do one selfless thing. One brave thing.

And he was not brave enough.

He bent his head and prayed...

Prayed for courage, for being able to go to Julia and tell her that he would do it.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"I will do it." Barnabas told Julia. Quickly before he could talk himself into not doing it.

Tears formed in Julia's eyes. She wanted to say that he did not need to, to give him some sort of encouragement. She did not.

"I will be ready in a few days. I need certain equipment."

Barnabas did not ask. Sometimes it was better not to know."

"Waiting can be a torment of its own."

"I hope so. The more stress, the sooner we reach the point when your blood will restore them."

He nodded.

"I should not complain." he said. "I should be grateful that I am given this opportunity to help them. And to end once and for all my debt to Maggie."

Julia did not comment on that. There was no cut and dried payment that would make things right for Maggie and him. But it would give him leverage to keep Maggie from picking the same scabs over and over...

Maybe set her free from her need to make Barnabas suffer, and to concentrate in her future instead

She reached out to touch him, but he flinched. She looked on him with hurtt, but she understood. He was beginning to fear her, fear what she could do to him.

And while she ached to reassure him, she knew that it was better that he was not reassured, that he came to her laboratory trembling... because then she might have to torment less to reach the needed state...

She tried to imagine what torments to inflict on him. He healed quickly so she could do some truly vicious thinks to him...

She promised not to touch him below the waist... well, maybe the feet. But she would not tell him that. Let him worry about pain down there, too..

The more he worried and suffered in anticipation, the better for him later.

She would talk to Angelique. Get her to give her bindings that he could not break. And a quick acting painkiller to use as soon as the statues were restored. He would not make him suffer one moment more than she needed him to do so...

He left. Scared. but determined.

He went back to church to pray for the necessary courage.

* * *

Adam closed the envelope. He hoped that Vicky would look kindly on the note he had sent her.

He had to do it. He had to apologize to Phillip, and thank him, because he was the first to know the danger he had been in, the first who had tried to warn him. Instead he had been beaten and called insane...

He hoped that Phillip was doing better, away from the sea. He hoped that Vicky's school was prospering. He hoped that they both looked on him more kindly now, and that they no longer saw him as an obstacle to their friendship with Carolyn.

He hoped that they would come visit them. Or that when Carolyn went there, she would be welcome...

He hoped that one day he would be welcome too.

* * *

"I have the straps you need." Angelique told Julia :"they will keep him in place and will be unable to either break them or change shape in any form. He will be helpless."

Julia shivered. And yet felt excited. Completely helpless... at her mercy...Unable to threaten to strangle her...

"You all right?" Angelique asked, with concern.

"Yes. I am." Julia said, a bit bitterly. "Why shouldn't I? Nothing is going to happen to me." she shook her head. "He is being very brave about it."

Angelique decided that it was time to change conversation. Starting on that path might start Julia on a crying jag.

"We have to figure the setup to deliver the blood to Maggie and Joe quickly. And to make sure that they are recovered before you knock him out."

"Will this painkiller do that?"

"Yes. Once it hits him, he will be completely out of it."

Julia nodded, then sighed "There was a time when I would have loved to do this to him. Not for Maggie and Joe's sake, but for mine."

"I know those months in 1967 were rough on you... not that he was in better shape... And the death of Woodard did not help any."

"What do you know about that?"

"I once tired to raise him to use against you. I could not. I could raise Jeremiah once, but not him. Seems that he would not allow himself to be used... And I sensed behind him Bathia Mapes... and that she would fight me if I tried that again."

"Bathia Mapes... Barnabas is sure that it was her who made it possible to walk into a church again."

"Very likely. I killed her body, but her spirit is very much active... I would like to apologize to her now... I would like to tell her..."

"Tell her that you are a changed woman now? that you finally grew up?"

"Yes."

"She probably knows."

* * *

"I am afraid, George."

"You may yet pull out." George said with anguish.

"No. I have to. But I am afraid. Please hold me"

George did so.

"It will be painful, very painful. And she will be looking for ways to increase the pain. And I want to say no, but I must let her do it."

"Why?"

"Because of Tammy. Because I owe both Maggie and Joe... Because I was given this gift of being able to look at a cross and enter a church, and I must be worthy of it... But I am so afraid..."

George held him, wishing that he could things better, knowing that he could not.

And Barnabas made himself promise that he would have Julia knock George out before she started, so that George would not hear him scream.

* * *

Tonight, Julia thought.

Tonight she would pay for all her sins as an unethical physician. She would pay for all the patients that she had turned over as guinea pigs for the drug research companies. She would pay for her manipulation of Maggie to let her uncover an exciting hew study subject. She would pay for her lies to Sam and Joe, for quashing their hopes again and again. She would pay for the way she had betrayed her patients without a thought.

Now it had come to this.

Did it have to be this way?

Yes, because it had to hit her where it hurt most.

* * *

Barnabas knelt in church, praying for courage.

"Let thy will be done." he said "let it be done through me. Please let me have the strength to bear it. Let me have the courage to go in that door and not try to escape.."

He was silent a few moments.

"And let Julia find consolation. May I be able to offer it to her. Let me see past my own pain to hers. Let me not hate he for it... And may George's pain be eased."

He stayed there, kenneling, until he felt George's hand on his shoulder.

"It is time." George said.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Julia saw them come down, George's arm over Barnabas's shoulders offering him comfort.

Comfort would not help Barnabas now. She did not smile at him, nor offer encouragement in any way. The worse he felt coming in, the better.

"Strip" he commanded him.

George began helping Barnabas out of his clothes. Julia waited until his back was turned then signaled to Angelique who took George's arm and twisted it behind his back.

"Hey!" George protested. But then Julia had already stabled him in the wrist with her needle and injected the sedative that would make him sleep. He struggled a few more moments, then collapsed.

"Better this way" Julia said. "No danger of him making trouble."

Barnabas nodded, gratefully. Neither Angelique nor Julia acknowledged him. Sympathy was his enemy now.

His clothes were removed, quickly, and he stood naked in front of the women, who frowned at him.

"Lie down" Julia barked at him.

He thought of Nunez, of what Norma Alvarez had told him of what had been done to her children...

What would be done to him?

Angelique tightened the straps quickly, without a word, then stepped back.

"You cannot get out of those. So even if you wanted to back off now, you could not." she said coldly.

"I do not..." But he could not finish. Julia pushed a strap across his mouth, pushing his tongue back. It would keep him from biting his tongue. And gag him too."

"Give me the tubing." she told Angelique.

She made a cut over his chest and pushed the tubing in. This way his blood would flow and could be tested at different stages. Julia got up, paused and looked at him. His eyes were imploring her not to hurt him too much...

But the point wast hat he had to be hurt. Badly.

She made a few cuts on the calves. Some deep, others just superficial. Just a warm-up.

"Test the blood" she told to Angelique.

The blood flowed and as Julia expected, did not have any effect.

Julia took several needles and pushed them into him. He flinched as each was pushed into him One of those needles was connected to the painkiller that would put him under when his blood took effect. But she did not tell him of that. She wanted him afraid, and hiso face showed that his fear was growing. The pain was getting to be more than he could handle. Or rather the expectation of more pain to come was scaring him.

"Bring the hot coals" she told Angelique.

Coldly, trying not to think of what she was doing she applied them to his hands and feet. Would he have to pull a few fingernails and toenails? He avoided his eyes. He had to stop thinking of him as _He_, think only of the blood .

"Still no change." Angelique said.

It was better to bring a big shock, not a lot of little ones...

The greater the shock, the greater the despair, the sooner she could stop this, the sooner could he put him out of it and allow him to heal...

But what could she do to him?

Angelique could sense both Julia's and Barnabas' distress. She tried to shut it out.

To think that there had been a time when she would have enjoyed this...

How long would Julia keep at it? What brutality could she come up with?

Julia looked down. She had promised herself not to touch his genitals... But even if she did not cut there, still the cold feel of the scalpel against the sensitive skin might do the trick...

Think of it as circumcision... All Jewish males had that done to them... It had not killed them...

He arched up when she ran the scalpel over the area, even so gently, not even cutting the skin. But the fear was great.

"And now?" She asked Angelique gain.

"Not yet."

Time for the big guns. Everything else that she had done had been foreplay. She was ready for the main event...

And hope that it worked..

If Kenneth saw how she used his equipment...

A quick slash over the chest, to break the skin. Then leave the scalpel to use the separators to push back the muscles., and to pry the ribs apart.

The heart was bare now. beating...

"How about it now?" She asked Agnelique3.

"Almost there..."

She stuck the electrodes on the separated ribs. Then let the current run through him.

"How about now?"

Through his gag, Barnabas howled. Would this pain ever stop? He strained against the straps, tried to beg, to make eye contact with Julia...

"How about now?"

"It needs a bit more."

Julia turned off the electricity, and saw the relief on Barnabas's face. Did he think that it was over? That he would be allowed to get up and heal?

She turned her back on him and lit a cigarette. It was a bad habit, and one that she had broken years ago. But now she needed it.

The memories were too strong... And torturing Barnabas did not make them better. It just make them more vivid.

She turned and put out her cigarette on his face, and then turned the electricity again.

She looked at the beating heart, and the collecting needle, and thought of the Aztecs who tore out living hearts as a sacrifice to their gods...

What was the difference with what she was doing?

And she knew, bitterly, that if she had not fallen in love with Barnabas, she would have had him on a dissection table.. Just one more patient to betray y the name of scientific research...

She turned off the electricity.

"I can do this all night. I can last at it longer than you." she said. lighting another cigarette. "And I will not let you go until I get what I want. And you deserve it, you know... How many time did you try to strangle me? How much did you abuse Willie? What did you do to Maggie to drive her mad? And Dave? You think that I have forgotten how you made it look as if he was haunting me to drive me mad? Don't you think that you deserve this? I do know you do."

She smoked slowly, trying to control the trembling in her hands...

"One more time." Angelique said.

She threw the switch again, seeing how Barnabas arched in pain again... And watched, and watched.

"It works! They are back?"

Julia kept staring ahead, not seeing, not hearing.

"It is over! You can turn off the juice."

Julia did not answer, and Angelique raced to her side, as Maggie and Joe began to look round dazed.

She turned off the electricity. and then let the painkiller flow. In a few moments Barnabas's eyes were closed and was relaxing. His chest was opened but he no longer felt the pain.

She drew the curtain around him and shook Julia. "Julia, we have to get Maggie and Joe out of here. Explain things to them."

Julia went down mechanically. She was shivering, as she faced down both Joe and Maggie and tried to explain to them.

Angelique stayed behind. Not sure what she could do to fix Barnabas, but sure that she could not allow Julia to do it.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

'How is he doing?" George asked Angelique.

"Mending. He is still out of it. I will not let him wake up until he is fully healed."

"Why did you knock me out?" that still was a sore point, though he knew that he should be grateful for it.

"To keep you from making trouble. He asked us to. He knew what it would do to you... I already saw what it did to Julia."

"Julia? I have not seen her."

"She is in shock. It was not a pleasant thing to go through. For all the he endured, his was the easy part. All he had to do was lie down and endure. She had to do it, had to watch him suffer and inflict more pain still. And I kept telling her that I needed more... It dredged up old garbage with her. In the end she could only hold on by telling herself that he _deserved_ it. Which means remembering why he deserved it... She was shocked into uselessness. I had to be the one to close his chest and sew him up. I had to shake her to make her take care of Maggie and Joe... She is still getting over it."

"She will?"

"She has gotten over a lot of things. She will get over this one, too. We all have to get over things. And we do... We do not have other choices."

"Can I see him?"

"I do not see why not. Though he won't be responsive for a while. He endured a lot of pain. He should not endure any more, and healing _is_ painful."

"He probably be very hungry when he wakes up."

"No. I hooked him up, just as they did in the egg. After what he endured, I do not trust his self control if he wakes up hungry."

"So, he finally paid up what he owed Maggie. I do not know what else she can demand of him."

"Oh, she will try. That's the one thing about revenge. You think that someone else's pain will make yours get easier, but it does not. You can gloat at someone else's misery. But yours is still there... Maggie has to face that she will always have scars, she will always risk flashbacks. The damage that is done, does not get undone.."

"So, she might be on his case again."

"But this time he can tell her that he's paid in full. That whatever she is seeking, he does not have it, and to look somewhere else for it."

"I still cannot believe that he went through that... What did Julia do to him?"

"Basically open heart surgery combined with electric shocks."

"Poor Barnabas... and he was willing. Just because someone up there removed his inability to look at crosses. They set him up."

"Somebody up there?"

"He spoke of this woman, Bathia Mapes."

"Yes Bathia... he fought me for him, and I won. But I wonder..."

* * *

Julia faced Maggie numbly, telling her what she had done, what Barnabas had gone through to restore her.

Maggie blanched as Julia described what she had done, and what Barnabas had looked liked, cut like a piece of meat...

"Am I free of my debt to you?" Julia asked, in an anguished voice. :""I know that I failed in my duty to you as a physician in 1967. Does this pay you back? Does this restore me? Does this mean that you will stop reproaching me? Because if it does not, I do not know what else I can do...What I had to do...What he endured... If there is anything more, I won't be able to. I will never forget what I had to do, for you and Joe."

"As you will never forget what you did to protect him." Maggie said, still resentful.

"No. And they do not cancel each other out. It is just more pain to endure."

"It was your choice, not mine."

:"No, your choice was to keep at it, exchanging your silence for favors and the opportunity to needle him. That no longer works."

"Why not?"

"What else can he give you? Do you know what he endured? Do you know that he willingly laid down for it to be done to him? For your sake. To restore you. What more do you want?"

"I still have the scars."

"And you will always have them. If all that he went through does not remove the scars, if you cannot stop going over and over what you endured, then nothing will help. Or rather, nothing that involves hurting him will help. You will have to find some other way to deal with it."

"Will you give me a sedative?" she asked with sarcasm.

"So that you become an addict and have something else to reproach me for? Maggie you got addicted to hurting him and me. Well, it has got to stop. It does not help. Not you, not anyone. You could have remained a stone for all eternity, and so would Joe. And that was because you could not let go. You have to find a better way to deal with it... You have a promising political career. You have so much in front of you. You do not need my pain nor his. You need joy of your own. And you have so many opportunities for it. There are so many people grateful to you for what you do in DC. Why not accept their gratitude and love? Why not list your accomplishments.?"

"And Barnabas?"

"Let him go. He's given all he can. If he cannot take away your pain, it is because he can't. Accept what he can give you, and do not complain of what he can't."

"Let him off the hook at last?"

"After allowing himself to be cut open for you, he deserves it."

* * *

Barnabas was flying free. There had been pain once, but no more. It was only a vague memory for him. He felt light. He no longer needed to beat his wings to stay afloat. He soared, as he was imperceptibly pulled forward in one fixed direction.

He saw Julia below him. She seemed sad and hurt and this distressed him. He wanted to tell her not to be sad, tell her to smile again. But could not be, yet.

He left her behind. He was no longer in the Old House. He was flying over the town, finding his way over the streets laid out before him. It was as if he was seeking a certain street, a certain house.

He was aware that he was somewhat dreaming. Or was he? Maybe this was real, even if he could not convince himself of its reality.

He remembered what had been done to him and why. Julia had opened his chest, and to him came the ghost of the pain that had been. But that was far away now. Maggie, Joe, all of it, that was distant, and no longer his concern.

Maybe he was dead. Maybe, in spite of her promises, Julia _had_ killed him. He did not find it distressing at all. It was pleasant, to drift as he did.

The town rose up to him. The streets became closer, the houses larger. And along the street walked Julia.

He felt mild surprise to see her there. And about the way she was dressed and her hair. Surely she had looked different at the Old House.

But it did not matter. It felt right. It felt like the way it was supposed to be.

Julia went into a house. He seemed to recognize it, even though he could not place it. It was strange, yet familiar. Something which he would remember if he thought hard enough.

He followed her. Went to the window. Through the window.

Julia was not alone. Dave Woodard was with her. Barnabas recognized him the moment he walked into the office.

"Is this a dream?" he asked.

"You may consider it a dream, when you awake." Dave said gently "But it is real enough."

Barnabas looked around the office. It looked exactly the way it had then. Even the fatal notebook was there, on the desk. But something had subtly changed... he wondered that if he dialed the phone, would he get Sheriff Patterson at the other end?

"What is going to happen now?" he asked.

"You are coming with me." Dave said, putting his and on Barnabas's shoulder.

"And her?" he pointed to Julia, who was retrieving the notebook.

"She can't follow you. Only lead the way." he let Barnabas go and turned to Julia "It is done. You can go."

Julia clutched the notebook to her breast, looked around once and left. Barnabas wondered where she was going, then turned to Dave again.

"Where will we be going?"

"Don't be afraid. There will be no pain in it. Not as you endured."

Barnabas extended his hand and touched Dave. He was solid flesh, not a wraith as he had been other times.

"Is this you? Really you?"

"Yes. It is me."

"I thought you had left."

'Yes. But now you can reach me."

"And touch you..." then the impulse seized him. He took Dave in his arms and kissed him on the lips. Dave responded. It was one small moment, but it seemed to stretch an eternity. Dave closed his arms around him, and Barnabas found himself thoroughly encircled and ravished.

Dave let him go. "You must now come with me and not be afraid."

"I am not afraid."

"You should not be... You can't know yet where I am taking you, so I must blindfold you."

Barnabas' eyes were wrapped tightly with surgical gauze, until he was effectively blind. Then Dave took him by the arm and led him away.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

They were going up some stairs. And Barnabas began to wonder what would be at the other end.

"You don't need to be afraid."

"I was blindfolded once, and it did not end well." Barnabas said, trying to excuse himself.

"I am not Trask."

"I know that you are not. But it is not often that I find myself helpless. And I wonder where it is that you are taking me."

"You must be patient about it. When it is time, you will know. But this you must know, you must stand judgment."

"Will you speak against me?"

"Yes. And no."

"That's no answer."

"It is, if you think about it. I will not lie about you either way. And we know how it was that you came here."

"Dave, when I could look at the cross again, was that you? Was there a purpose behind it?"

"Me and others. And yes, there was a purpose to it."

Barnabas felt himself more at peace. No, Dave was no Trask. He was, for all of that talk of judgment, among friends.

Then he asked the next question. "Am I dead, now?"

"No. If you were I would not have needed to blindfold you. You are going through a place the living must not see."

Which mean, that after he was done, he would be returned.

"What will happen after... after judgment."

"Nothing that you can't bear."

The long staircase seemed to have no end. Maybe there really was no end. He would be climbing through eternity...

"One thing you must know. Though you will return, you will die soon. You will have some time to be with George, but not much. He will have to learn to accept it."

The words did not cause Barnabas fear. He seemed incapable of fear now. He trusted Dave to lead him right all through it, and he knew that his trust would not be misplaced.

"How will I die?"

"That I cannot tell you yet."

"Must I tell George of it?"

"As you see fit... We have arrived at last."

Dave helped him to a chair, and unraveled the blindfold. Barnabas blinked to regain the use of his eyes.

And he saw who the judges were. Bathia Mapes, T Eliot Stokes, and Old Munsungan.

* * *

Willie shook in his bed. A bad dream. It was only a bad dream...if he could still believe that there were such things as only bad dreams...

But what did his father want with him, anyway? Was it his fault that the old man had burned himself? And anyway, what claim did the old man have on him? That he had gotten his mother pregnant, and, while never forgiving him for it, had refrained from actually killing the children she produced? That he did not spend all his money on drink, and let them have something for food?

The old man had been asking for it, and he had died as he had lived. He had no pity for him. Bad father, bad husband, a waste as a human being.

He would go back to sleep and have better dreams than that. Maybe he could dream that he told the old man to shut up, to get off his life once and for all.

* * *

The witnesses came, one by one, to tell their story. At first Barnabas had been uneasy about them. Trask had done something very similar, once. But neither of the three judges looked upon him as Trask had done. They were willing to hear the worst about him, but they did not believe that that was all to be heard about him.

Some witnesses spoke against him, but not all. When Trask's turn came to protest against his 'martyrdom', other witnesses reminded the judge that Trask had persecuted the innocent, and that had he not been stopped, many more innocent victims would have suffered.

The same was done with Nathan Forbes. His deceptions, his attempts on Millicent and Daniel were recounted, as was his role in Naomi's death.

Ben Stokes testified about his relationship with Barnabas, how up till the end Barnabas tried to fight the evil that possessed him, but did not know how. Barnabas waned to tell Ben that it was all right, that at last he had found the way of it.

His family testified next.

First it was Abigail. She still clung to her beliefs, the same beliefs that had cost her life, and that of others. Barnabas felt pity for her, for her inability to learn, but knew that it was not in his power to release her.

Then it was Jeremiah, and that was painful. because it was a debt that could never be repaid.

But Jeremiah smiled at him, a small apologetic smile. It did not matter, it seemed to say. They were still friends, brothers. The friendship that Barnabas had so contemptuously dismissed in anger and foolishness had been restored.

It was his father's turn. Barnabas knew that he still hated the man, that he had not forgiven him for chaining him in his coffin. That maybe he could not.

But it now the time to do it. Hard as it was, he had to forgive Joshua Collins, if not as his father, then as a fellow human being. One that was more fallible than most, but who was never able to acknowledge his own fallibility and doubts.

He could, if nothing else, reassure his father that it had come all right in the end.

Joshua stared at him, a bit afraid to say the next words.

"It is all right, father. I managed all right, and I did not make such a bad business of it."

"I was not a good father. But I loved you. Can you believe it?"

"I believe it."

Then it was Naomi, and Barnabas felt a twinge of guilt. Because he had hurt her, even unwittingly, and maybe there was hurt there still.

He looked at Dave for permission. "Yes, you can." Dave said.

He held Naomi, as he had held her that last time, when Angelique's curse had claimed her as a victim, because she loved him, and he loved her. And suddenly it was all right, and she did not hurt anymore, and he could stop punishing himself for it.

Josette was next. There was melancholy in their meeting. It could have been once, but no more. And he Josette he saw was not the Josette of his memories, the one whose image he had built over the years, with his yearnings.

This was Josette, not Maggie in a fancy dress. And yet, the truth came to him, she would have been no more adequate than Maggie for what he had wanted in 1967. They had loved each other once, and that love had been true, but it was all lost now. He could let go of it.

Josette went away and this time there was no anguish in their parting. And old, forgotten wound was healed in him, and the shame at last left him.

Millicent didn't come, nor Natalie. Maybe it was because they had not wholly understood what happened, and could add nothing of value.

Others were hard to take. Roxanne was still angry with him, but there was fairness in her anger. She only told the truth about him, both the good and the bad. Dirk Wilkins could have testified against him, telling how he had become a vampire. But as Peter Guthrie whispered something to Stokes, he told also of his servitude as a salamander and how he and the other had been rescued.

Priscilla also testified, and also told no more than the truth. Sandor told of his time of service to Barnabas, and how his death was to be laid that Magda's and Quentin's door, with Barnabas only an onlooker. Magda told of him, acidly, but stressing that Barnabas had been his friend.

Carl Collins this time was willing to listen to the ancient burden that demanded the life of a Collins, any Collins in expiation for the slave trade, Charity recognized him and told him being the only ray of sunshine that she had had in many years.

Jenny said that Barnabas had been kind to her, as few had been since she went mad. Judith and Edward had little to add, even thought Edward admitted that in his rush to rescue Jamison and Nora from Laura had risked exposure. And Trask's testimony was negated by Judith's character reference (or lack of it) Rachel spoke not only of their brief non-affair, but how she had helped him defeat Laura at last.

More witnesses came. Ishtvan, Crystal Cabot, Jason McGuire, Sky Rumsen, Nelle Guerson. And Dave.

Dave was the last, and he told simply how it all had happened ,up to the last scene in his office.

"And that's how it ended" he said, "only it did not end. For something I said remained with him, and it time it bore fruit."

"And are you content with that?" Stokes asked.

"Yes. And I say now that he is Worthy."

The tone of voice in which Dave had said "worthy" made Barnabas shiver, without understanding why. It was more than approval that he meant there. Much more.

He was no on trial for his life, that much he understood. But he was on trial, and what would happen if he was found worthy, or unworthy, he could not guess.

All he could do was answer what questions were put to him, as truthfully as he could.

"Now it is your turn to testify." Bathia Mapes said. "Tell me this: does the Devil own you?"


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

"No. He does not."

Bathia smiled. "Years ago I told you that. You did not truly believe it. You wished it to be true, but did not think it possible. The evil lay too close to your heart, threatening to devour it. Yet I would not give up my fight for you, or the one who laid the curse on you."

"The Devil does not own her, either."

"Yes, it was a long struggle for the both of you, Barnabas Collins. But I would not give up on it. I had touched your, and my hand was on your heart, and I would claim you in the end. And her through you."

"I know you did."

"I was the one who sent Sarah to you, to bring you back to the man you used to be, and the man you wished to be. She would point the way to you, offer you hope when you had abandoned yourself to despair."

"Did you sent Vicky into the past?'

"Yes. By those means I awakened your memories and made you remember yearnings that you thought you had put behind you. Later, there were those who sought to twist those shapings t their own ends. Yet I turned their works to my own ends, and will continue to do so. It was because of those shapings and twisting that I could claim Phyllis Wick for my own.'

"Phyllis Wick?"

"She was the one who would have been accused of witchcraft and executed. She would have been the one you tried to protect and failed. The first time that Vicky went into the past, Phyllis still felt the rope at her neck. This was not spared her, though Peter's love was taken from her and given to Vicky. And Vicky also took her place when she shot Noah Gifford and saved Daniel. Yet, when more twistings came, and the cross purposes made Vicky visit the past again, I was able to reclaim Phyllis. After Vicky was hanged, Phyllis was found wandering around Collinsport, her memory of the last days gone, and with wounds on her neck. No questions were asked of her, and when she said that her name was Phyllis Wick, Joshua Collins remembered that he meant to hire her, so she took him to Collinwood to teach Daniel, and then care for Millicent. It was then that I approached her, and took her as my own."

"I am glad then, that this one evil was undone. Neither Phyllis nor Vicky died in Traks' gallows."

"Yes, that evil was averted."

"Is there any more than you wish to tell me?"

"You were under a sentence of death. In theory you still are." Dave said. "That was my price for doing Bathia's will. She could try to reclaim you and I would help her do it., but if you ever became a menace again your death would be arranged quickly. You came close to it a couple of times. It still can be, in the unlikely case that you revert to your old ways. It may interest you that George would be the one to carry it out."

"George...does he know it? He's said at time that if I needed killing, he would do it himself."

"He does not know it consciously, but deep down he knows it."

"So..." Barnabas searched for words. "So my life has been mapped out. Even when I thought was free to make my own decisions, you pulled the strings."

"That is not so, Barnabas." It was Eliot who spoke, in a reasonable voice, as he always did. "Your decisions were yours and no one else's. All that could be done was make you aware of what choices were there. No one dictated you choices, though you might have been granted understanding of where they might lead."

"It was _you_ who rejected Lang's offer to use Jeff's head for the experiment. It was _you_ who did not choose to turn back on Lang and his false salvation, thus brining you and others unnecessary pain." Dave said. "I could have told you that you could not trust Lang."

"Yet it had to be done." Munsungan said. "For Adam _had_ to come to life and fulfill his part."

"Maybe. But Lang was no good." Dave said combatively. "and he preached one of the big lies, that the solution to your problems can be found with a miracle pill and that you don't have to work at it long and painfully, because there is an easy way out. There are no easy ways out, and if you take them, you pay for them."

"I gathered as much myself." Barnabas said. "though it took me long to figure it out." He looked at Dave. "Angelique said that she once tried to raise you to use against Julia, but that she failed. Was that your arrangement with Bathia?"

"Yes. I would not allow my name to be used by those who sought only to work evil around them."

"Now, Barnabas Collins, we have heard of you, of your life, of your deeds. You tell us no. Has Bathia truly reclaimed you?" Stokes asked majestically, no longer the friend, but the judge, solemn in his robes.

"Yes. She has reclaimed me fully."

"Are you Worthy?"

"If by worthy you mean that I was worth the time and effort that was taken to reclaim me, I'll say yes. Not so much for myself, but for what I have been able to accomplish. I have fought in Bathia's battles, and fought them successfully. Because of this, I am Worthy."

"He has answered well." Munsungan said.

"Indeed he has. He is Worthy." Stokes replied.

"Worthy." Bathia said.

They rose and left the table at which they sat. They faced him once, and then they were gone.

"You must go back now. I will blindfold you once again."

Barnabas submitted to this in silence. He had been found Worthy... but what did that mean? And when would he find out...?

...When he died, something that was not too far off.

There was the long staircase again, going downwards. Then, after an eternity, they were back in the office, and Dave took his blindfold off.

"You can go home. Be kind to George for the time you have left. And give him my love."

"I will."

Dave's expression changed. "Beware the witnesses who were not here today. Beware the fire."

"But Laura..."

He could not continue. He was pulled out of the windows. He was now flying through the air, over Collinsport, finding his way again, heading towards the Old House.

Inside... down to the secret room where the coffin was, looking at the body there, pale and enveloped in bandages...

And then he opened his eyes and was in his coffin. Small twinges of pain greeted him as he recovered consciousness, but nothing serious. Nothing that prevented him from getting up.

Julia was in the parlor, her face lined with pain. "Barnabas, you are not well enough." she tried to protest.

"I am." he took her in his arms. "Julia, did I ever tell you how grateful I am to you?"

"Barnabas..."

"You did what you had to do, no more. And I am grateful for it. Poor Julia, I never stop hurting you, do I? Even when I don't want to."

Julia sobbed. He was right. It had been bad for her, and she hadn't even the right to complain about it.

"Are Maggie and Joe all right?"

"Yes... Maggie is here...upstairs."

"Waiting for me, isn't she?'

"Yes."

Barnabas hugged Julia again. "I will go see her. I know what we have to talk bout, and what I must tell her."

He went up the stairs, full of self-assurance, as he had never been when confronting Maggie before. he had made peace with all the others in his past. He had to make peace at last with Maggie.

Maggie was standing straight, tears in her eyes. This had been once Josette's room, but that held no more meaning.

"They told me what you did for me. For Joe and me."

"It had to be done."

"They also told me that it was my fault, that I should not have let Adam out."

"You paid for that mistake."

"I know that I should not have done it... But when I knew that he was locked up in that cell, downstairs."

"You remembered more than you wanted to."

"That's something else that George told me. That it was about time that I stopped laying guilt trips on you. That you have paid more than enough."

"And you don't agree?"

"You don't think that I want to be free of it, too? Do you think that I enjoy living with it? That I take pleasure in remembering how helpless, how scared I was, how I could not stop you from doing anything? Have you any idea of what it was like? Not from your end, from mine? Do you know what a fear like you made me endure can do to anyone?"

"You _did_ exploit it."

"Yes. I did. Since I could not get rid of it, I might as well use it, get something of value for it. You could not give me peace of mind, but you could give me other things that I wanted. It was a deal, and I thought that you understood it."

"And then I went back on it."

"Yes, you thought because he was done some crying together over it, we did not owe me anymore, and could do as you wanted. But it was not enough."

"Is it enough now? Because I cannot give you more than I gave you now."

"I know. Julia told me what she did to you... but you see, no matter how you are hurt, it does not get better for me."

"No, And I cannot do it. Only you can make it better."

"How?"

"I cannot take your scars away. No matter what I do, you will have scars. It will still hurt. But you will get better at handling it.. Those things that you wanted, that you used me to get... couldn't you go get them for yourself, without involving me? Maybe it was foolish of me to think that I could make things right for you...I can't. I can stay out of the way, and let you find answers of your own... I know. I have had to deal with loss and scars too. And not until I decided to have a good life, no matter what the pain, nothing changed for me. "

"So you wash your hands of me?'

"I recognize that I have done all I can, and the rest is up to you. I can give you advice on how to live with that kind of pain, and how to keep it from crippling you. Not because I owe it to you, but because I have been there, and I have the experience of it. No more. Do not ask me what I do not have to give."

"So, I have to accept this?"

"Yes. Because there is nothing else there."


End file.
